This probably would be my last note I am writing because I don’t think I will be able to write anything after this. There was a time when we used to say that we understand each other but we never did because having good understating in our good times was not enough to take this magical relationship forward. If we can’t help each other in our bad times then the relationship is nothing more than a relationship. By relationship, I mean that what we all have with one another, it has nothing so special because we treated each other like we treat others or in other words, we only care what we are feeling and want others to feel the same. No sacrifices, no compromises, no help, no understating and not even to care about the feeling of your partner.
Getting down in your own emotional bog isn’t easy to someone but taking others into the same or even worse than you have ever imagined could destroy many lives and even if not many so it can obviously make someone’s life hell with whom you have made promises before. The emotional barriers might take you off track but if you are walking on that wrong path even after knowing that somebody is suffering on the right path with whom you used to walk with, can make it even worse for him.
The time repeated itself, I wonder why? Because all I expected was, nothing but promises to stay together. Some situations make us tough and drag us to a point where we no more think emotionally but I was feeling emotionally destroyed. All I have decided in my life was fading in front of eyes. There was a time when I used to believe in magic, there was a time when I used to think I have a perfect relationship, there was a time when I used to think that we will face it all together and there was a time too when I used to think that I know her completely but all these misconceptions took me away from this harsh reality of being alone again.
No matter what, I cannot explain love because yes, it is not my piece of cake, it is something very eternal to reach and by saying this, I explain it again. Tough times make you tough, bad times make you bad but standing still together will help you to grow. It is easy to write and to feel but hard to make it possible for most of the people and yeah, we were on those who always stand apart in breakdowns. “Please help me, I need you,” he said. “Please understand my situation I am in the dirt,” she said. “Please save me, I am drowning,” he asked. “Let me get over this, I can’t face you.” She said. She came back and say sorry but he already died from inside.
No matter how many explanations you give after you overcome something because you have no idea about what the next person had gone through. Whatever you say, he will not understand, as you want him to understand because you both felt it separately and now have a different perspective.
I was already feeling alone and broke, broke as I never felt it before. All my experiences were laughing at me by telling me the truth of reality now. All the realizations were telling me not to believe in them because it hurts a lot. Realizations can make things better but can never convert things as you used to have it before, your feelings will change, your perception will change and even your reality will change. This thing cannot be explained by the person who said that she just realized it now, to a person who was into the world that has no connection with reality just because she did not have the conscious access to her memories and could not recall it. There is always a way to confront something to someone and if you don’t know the way and the consequence then do not do it because you don’t know the emotional stability of the person you are confronting. Moreover, if it is like that then till yet you don’t know that person from inside you are living with.
Holding hands, watching stars, travelling world is not only for the high or good times of your life and if it so then I would prefer to walk alone, I would prefer to see them alone, I prefer to travel alone because if it can’t help me in my breakdowns so they are no more magical for me. I would put the entire blame on the human brain who pushed me to write these things that I don’t want to write, it is our human brain who is asleep but when awake, it could make your desire sleep so it simply means the entire journey I passed, I passed it with my closed eyes. I will open my eyes again and alone.
Till then you keep smiling. And yeah friends, we are not together.
I cannot write it anymore.